Good Fiction Never Strays too
Far from Reality
1342 Anyplace Lane, Southeast, US 20000·865-675-6933·soprofessional@yahoo.com
Unemployed Man
Objective
To find a position that will pay me at least $15 an hour and require me on average to work no more than 45 hours a week. Lengthy negotiation will be undertaken if offered salary position.
Experience
Aug. 2013 – Present Self-Employed Southeast, US
Basic Computer Games Czar
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Claimed a 9% winning percentage on Solitaire(Solitaire has grown in difficulty since the last time I seriously played it in 1995)
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Performed competitively on level seven of Chess Titan
Aug. 2013 – Present Self-Employed Southeast, US
Therapist
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Counseled a depressed person for fifteen minutes between the hours of 7 and 9 each morning except for some weekends
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Created activities to prevent depressed person from becoming suicidal
Aug. 2013 – Oct. 2013 Network Television Southeast, US
Daytime Television Commercial Analyst
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Analyzed and scrutinized daytime television advertisement (Some companies are shameless)
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Deducted that 70% of people that watch daytime television are in need of a lawyer
May 2011 – Aug. 2013 Retail Hell Southeast, US
Various Positions
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Allowed ambition to erode
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Completed assignments no matter how long it took without an adjustment in pay (Salaried positions are a hindrance to the job market)
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Completed typical retail tasks for less than ten dollars an hour (Part-time employment when seeking full-time employment is a joke. You have just enough money to get to work and feed yourself.)
Dec. 2010 – Present Self-Employed Southeast, US
Job Applicant
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Submitted one thousand applications to various industries and professions
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Obtained twenty-five interviews (Thank you to all human resource personal who decided I wasn’t what they were looking for over the phone and shame on the ones that wasted my gas)
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Continued to submit applications (I have my fingers crossed :\ )
Aug. 2013 – Present Self-Employed Southeast, US
Author (Purposely Out of Order)
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If every anchor on every National Morning Television Show can write a book so can I
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Checkout my book Generational Heist at http://shamont97.wix.com/literaryworks
Education
April 2011 Paid Too Much or Not Enough University Southeast, US
Bachelor of Science in not Accounting, Computer Science or Engineering
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Minor in English
May 2007 Graduate of Enough Education for the Current Job Market High School Southeast, US
References
References and the More Descriptive Unemployed Resume are available in the book, Generational Heist.
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