Joke Resume Lands Job

           A disgruntled unemployed man sent a joke resume to over one hundred and fifty employers that had deemed his services inconsequential and email addresses remained in his contact list. The resume informed the employers how he had stayed busy during his unemployment.  Surprisingly, phone interviews emerged but they did little to brighten his spirits.

"The interviews were a wash. During eighty percent of them, I heard at least five people laughing in the background and during fifteen percent of them, the interviewer laughed throughout, "The unemployed man stated.

            Luckily for this good humored job seeker a company right around the corner took his resume as more than a joke.

"If Harvest Doctrine Paper Company wasn't a bike ride from my house I wouldn't have went to the interview. To make an interview worth it for a change I brought a backpack so I could take complimentary public restroom tissue paper and company printing paper home.

Mr. McNabb (his boss) did not give me time to do any of that. As soon as I walked into the building he was ready for me. He took me to his office and said 'This country and company are being torn apart by nepotism and networking. This stunt you pulled proves you have new ideas and balls.' I agreed with his statement but thought who the fuck buys paper like they used to. I asked what my title would be. While squinting at the ceiling he replied, ‘Supply-Marketing-Executive-Administrative-Planner-Engineer, it doesn't matter. You will do what I tell you to.' At that time all I had to negotiate with was my dignity and several interviewers had told me it wasn’t worth a damn, so I gladly accepted the thirteen dollar an hour job."

            Within three months from the day he started sales increased five percent, however that did not stop the company from filing bankruptcy. Now that man is unemployed again.

 

Checkout the book Generational Heist that inspired this spoof (This spoof is not a part of the book's storyline)